Goodnight, Bo

 

(Bo footprints in the snow Tuesday morning.)

Our Bo Dog passed away Monday night.  He was our best friend.

I was home alone.  I let Bo outside before bed.  When I let him back in, I knew something was wrong.  I also knew I wouldn't be able to get him into my car by myself and take him to the 24-hours emergency vet.  And I didn't want to take him to the vet.  He is scared of the vet, and I knew if we made it to the vet, they would put him down.  I didn't want him to go, not in a scary place with strangers.

Bo walked around the house much of the night.  I hate myself for feeling this way, but I was scared.  I didn't know what to do, or how to help him.  Everytime I heard him move, I just thought, "Lay down Big Bo.  If you need to go, please, just go.  It's ok."  When I got up that morning, he was gone.  I am truley thankful for that.

I am terribly tempted to put any thought of Bo in the dark place in my mind where a handfull of bad things live, chained up and unspoken, far from the emotional part of my brain.   But that is not fair.  Something as simple and pure and happy and beautiful as The Bo does not belong there.  So, I will cry for what feels like eternity, but then I will always remember silly, lazy, lovey Bo.

We will love Bo forever because:

• He went from having to be lured into a car with beef jerky, to demanding to go for rides if he caught us even putting shoes on.  We would have to specifically uninvite him from going, or he would race out to the car and refuse to go inside.
• There are disgusting dog nose prints all over the back windows of my car.
• He could smile!  Believe it.  When we came home, he would greet us with one side of his upper lip curled up.  He only ever did it when he was very excited.  What else could it be but a smile?
• He took himself for walks, but always returned home by himself.  Even if we were in a different town, visiting my parents, Bo would slip out of the gate, unnoticed.  By the time we realized he was gone, we would find him, waiting patiently on the wrong side of the gate.
• If he was outside when we returned home, he would greet us with a loud round of howling and growling.
• If he was inside when we left, we could always look up and see the sillouette of his head, watching us out the window at the top of the stairs.
• He never tore up shoes or furniture.  However, if he got too excited to go outside and play, he would accidentally grab a shoe or whatever was closest.  For a time, he was obsessed with Mike's socks.
• He had no idea how big he was.
• He loved Liam, and would give him kisses whenever Liam was within reach.  Liam learned to say his name "Bo Bah" (Bo Dog).
• He would bark at other dogs or if someone was approaching the house, but he hardly ever used his big dog voice at random.  He never learned to "speak."
• He was happy just to sit next to us, waiting to get petted or receive scraps of food.
• He loved to go on walks, but did not like to go swimming.
• He loved to be chased while carrying toys, but did not understand fetch.
• He was so gentle, and would totally ignore the fact that the cat repeatedly jumped on his face and stole his food.
• He gave out kisses any day, any time.
• He was our dish pre-washer, and he believed anything edible should be sampled by him, even if it was fruit or vegetables.
• He would wag his tail when we looked at him.

Bo loved us.  He was always by our side...sometimes annoyingly so.  We called him co-dependent, but I think we were more dependent on him than we realized.  I still listen for him to scratch at the door to come in.  If I catch a glimpse of a big black shape in a dark room, I have to remind myself that it is not Bo.  I walk to the door with my head down because I cannot stand that no sweet dog head is going to pop up over the fence and start howling at me.

My Best Bo, my Man-Bear-Bo, my Big Dumb Dog, "Bo Bah."  I love you.  I miss you.  I'm sorry you had to go.  I'm sorry.  But I'm glad the last 5 years of your life were the best years.  And I'm glad those years were with us.  We are better people because of one giant dog with sad eyes. 

Goodnight, Bo Dog.  Goodbye.

Comments

[mandy torgerson]

I'm so sorry, Katie! My heart breaks for your loss.

[Marie]

So sorry about your loss. Bo's tribute was beautiful.

Maybe leave the nose smudges in your car for a few weeks?

[Uncle Mice]

:(